Most of you know that my parents came to Thailand this week and let me tell you it was somethin' else. While they are technically here (leaving in a few short hours) I find myself perplexed but intrigued by their departure.
If you know me at all you know I am a huge family person. My family are my people and I would do anything for them. If you know me then you also know that I am stubborn as a mule and don't particularly like being told what to do. SOOOO enter my family in Thailand, and here comes the questions and the lectures and the "Sarah do this, Sarah do that." Not quite a shock when it comes to me and my family, and while this drove me up a wall (as I suppose it always will) I have come to the conclusion that I really really missed it. I mean I didn't necessarily know it when I rolled my eyes at my mom or say "okay Dad I get it" but now that they are leaving it makes me realize how truly lucky I am; how blessed I truly am.
I have had people tell me how spoiled I am and I deny that 100%. I am blessed.
I am blessed to have a brother that spent his birthday in airports to come to see me and have an adventure. I am blessed to have a father who spent fathers day with me being stressed, and I am blessed at having a mom that wants to sit up and talk to me all night long, even if she is kind of nosy (I guess that is where I get it from) because her nosy isn't really nosy, it's caring! I have a wonderful family and I am so grateful to have them as a part of my life and to have them come visit me so far away.
ANNNNDDDDD now that the the sappy stuff is over lets talk about the funny stuff.
First of all America and Thailand are very different in so many cases, and my family witnessed it first hand.
My mom had a hard time getting over the smells, and trust me some of them are VERY hard to get over. Think the worst smell you have ever smelled and then double it.
My dad spent the week dealing with the humidity and how much you sweat whenever you go outside, because boy oh boy is it humid. The moment you walk outside you are instantly drenched in sweat.
My brother (and I) potentially got mites from riding the elephant and got a first hand account of what it would be like to be in a freak show performance. Jimmy is 6'2-6'3 ish and when we took my family around my school he got stares from everyone. The girls loved him and said how handsome he was (and some of the boys too!) and the guys all wanted to play basketball with him.
Weirdest of all though was when I took them to a hostel and they decided they wanted a resort. Here you can get a 4 star hotel room overlooking the beach in a swanky hotel for about $55. That seems like a great deal to a farang (foreigner) but to me, living here, holy moly I was living like a superstar. My drink at the hotel cost more Baht then about 4 meals that I have been eating. I actually took a bath (in a real bathtub) in 2 months- AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY BUBBLE BATHS! I had a cheeseburger with real beef and I swear I think I felt a tear of joy drop.
It was crazy!
It is amazing to me how some things change in the blink of an eye but some always stay the same. My parents still give me boy advice, and my brother still thinks he is cooler than me. However, now I miss it. I wondered if I would really change that much while I am here and I didn't think I had, but having my family visit made me realize how much I had and I am okay with that, because it has made me become an adult. It has made me recognize how much my parents and brother mean to me ( I always knew it, but living 25 hours away really changes that) and it made me realize that no matter how far away I go I will always have the support of my family, because I am so so blessed.
Having my family say they are proud of me for doing this isn't a testament to me, but truly a testament to them, because it is through them I get my strength, and my stubborn will power to finish things through, and this is one thing that I am looking forward to experiencing until the very last minute!
Friday, June 26, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
From "Sentimental" Pack Rat to Minimalist
I love my stuff, I won't deny it.
I love my teddy bears that I have had since Seth Sawyer and Nick McGinness gave them to me as get well presents for my back surgery in 9th grade.
I love the random decorations and pictures and books that I can't get rid of.
What can I say, I am sentimental.
However, being here in Thailand has taught me a bit about material possessions. I came here with one large suitcase to get me through 5 months. I had no room decorations, no special comforter (which hurt my feelings to leave at home), no feather pillows or a million movies, and SHOCKER, I am doing just fine.
Granted, I still have internet (most days), and a book to read, but as a whole I have learned that I do not need much to have a happy life. I have learned to line dance, I work out every day, am trying new recipes, found new shows, gone exploring, prayed more and all kinds of other stuff instead of sitting and wasting my time on buying stuff. True I want my comfy pillows and my mattress topper because I might as well be sleeping on the floor seeing as my bed is a rock, but truthfully I think I sleep better on a hard mattress. Something I never would have tried before.
I have closets full of clothes, and yes I miss them some days, but I don't really need them. Heck, I only wore my favorites, while most of my outfits sat in the back for that one maybe special event that I would want to wear them. Like the formal dress I bought (on sale mind you but still) to go to a play with family and Corey. I have a million dresses, did I really need a new one? No, definitely not, but I wanted one so why not. I am by no way saying to not splurge on yourself. If you work hard and have your bills paid then sure buy the dress, I did, so no judgment here. It's just that I had a million other dresses I could of worn, but I wanted a new one. I had a comforter that was great, but my new one was soft and I wanted it so I got it. Guess where it is now...in a trash bag in a closet. I didn't know how much of my materials were superfluous to my needs until I was without all of them.
It is pretty crazy to think that I used to spend so much money on groceries at home, and as a whole America wastes more money on unused groceries than anything else; myself included. "Oh I need a huge jug of milk because what if I need it." Yeah, I might have one bowl of cereal and a glass of chocolate milk. I don't even like milk, so why pay for the big container when I know I won't use it. WHO KNOWS!
My vans hold a very special place in my heart. I have maybe 8 pairs in all different colors. So when coming to Thailand I had to choose one pair to bring. So I did. In almost a month and a half I have worn them once I think. Crazy. I love coke and used to spend tons of money on sodas because they make me happy, okay great, but water is so much cheaper and so much healthier, so more money in my pocket (I still splurge and get a coke sometimes though, because what is life without a cold coke or a cold beer on a hot day-so worth the splurge).
All I am saying is that I have a ton of stuff sitting back home and honestly aside from my bed, and a room that doesn't have centipedes in the shower or lizard poop on the wall, I really don't miss much. I am content with what I have. I will always keep the teddy bears, the relics/clothes/movies/8th grade love notes from boys in my past, my comfy bed and my books but really I can't imagine going back to a room full of stuff I don't need. I guess that may be growing up or getting boring, not sure which one it is, but it's pretty nice having only what I need and not everything I want.
I love my teddy bears that I have had since Seth Sawyer and Nick McGinness gave them to me as get well presents for my back surgery in 9th grade.
I love the random decorations and pictures and books that I can't get rid of.
What can I say, I am sentimental.
However, being here in Thailand has taught me a bit about material possessions. I came here with one large suitcase to get me through 5 months. I had no room decorations, no special comforter (which hurt my feelings to leave at home), no feather pillows or a million movies, and SHOCKER, I am doing just fine.
Granted, I still have internet (most days), and a book to read, but as a whole I have learned that I do not need much to have a happy life. I have learned to line dance, I work out every day, am trying new recipes, found new shows, gone exploring, prayed more and all kinds of other stuff instead of sitting and wasting my time on buying stuff. True I want my comfy pillows and my mattress topper because I might as well be sleeping on the floor seeing as my bed is a rock, but truthfully I think I sleep better on a hard mattress. Something I never would have tried before.
I have closets full of clothes, and yes I miss them some days, but I don't really need them. Heck, I only wore my favorites, while most of my outfits sat in the back for that one maybe special event that I would want to wear them. Like the formal dress I bought (on sale mind you but still) to go to a play with family and Corey. I have a million dresses, did I really need a new one? No, definitely not, but I wanted one so why not. I am by no way saying to not splurge on yourself. If you work hard and have your bills paid then sure buy the dress, I did, so no judgment here. It's just that I had a million other dresses I could of worn, but I wanted a new one. I had a comforter that was great, but my new one was soft and I wanted it so I got it. Guess where it is now...in a trash bag in a closet. I didn't know how much of my materials were superfluous to my needs until I was without all of them.
It is pretty crazy to think that I used to spend so much money on groceries at home, and as a whole America wastes more money on unused groceries than anything else; myself included. "Oh I need a huge jug of milk because what if I need it." Yeah, I might have one bowl of cereal and a glass of chocolate milk. I don't even like milk, so why pay for the big container when I know I won't use it. WHO KNOWS!
My vans hold a very special place in my heart. I have maybe 8 pairs in all different colors. So when coming to Thailand I had to choose one pair to bring. So I did. In almost a month and a half I have worn them once I think. Crazy. I love coke and used to spend tons of money on sodas because they make me happy, okay great, but water is so much cheaper and so much healthier, so more money in my pocket (I still splurge and get a coke sometimes though, because what is life without a cold coke or a cold beer on a hot day-so worth the splurge).
All I am saying is that I have a ton of stuff sitting back home and honestly aside from my bed, and a room that doesn't have centipedes in the shower or lizard poop on the wall, I really don't miss much. I am content with what I have. I will always keep the teddy bears, the relics/clothes/movies/8th grade love notes from boys in my past, my comfy bed and my books but really I can't imagine going back to a room full of stuff I don't need. I guess that may be growing up or getting boring, not sure which one it is, but it's pretty nice having only what I need and not everything I want.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Caitlyn Jenner: A Christian's response and apology
Taking a leap here because I tend to keep my faith more personal but here goes nothin'...
I have been a Christian my whole life. It is something that I take pride in. I went to a Christian school, came from a Christian home, have Christian friends and a Christian boyfriend. I wear a cross around my neck that my grandmother gave me and I have a bible verse tattooed on my skin.
However, I have a tattoo, I have non-Christian friends and gay friends and friends who say they are Christian but know nothing of a personal relationship to Christ. I have 9 piercings, 5 tattoos and have doubts about my faith all the time. So go ahead and judge away, wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last.
I say all this as to say that my Faith is very important to me, but Christianity and Christians are not perfect, far from it. I have had teachers tell me my family is going to Hell and I have had friends tell me I was the most liberal girl they knew because I have gay friends.
Whoopdy Freakin' Do.
I just read an article titled Caitlyn Jenner is Not a Hero, and while factually accurate (in terms of the definition of a hero) it is a blithe on the Christian name, and I apologize.
I will not say I agree with Caitlyn, nor do I think she deserved the award, but it has nothing to do with her transitioning into a woman. I do not think she deserved the award because I believe there are people more deserving; Lauren Hill for example. This article defined a hero as someone who put's their life above others, whose actions are not rewarded. To me this is what a hero is, some one who would sacrifice their life and happiness for the lives of others, or someone so passionate about a cause that they will take a stand not to fulfill their own desires, but to fulfill the desires of others, and this is why I do not think Caitlyn should be given this award. However, Caitlyn Jenner is a portrait of strength to the people who her lives have touched. She has done what many people in this world lie awake dreaming they had the courage to do in order to be happy, and that is truly a feat in itself. It is courageous but it is not heroic.
The real bone I have to pick is not to decide whether or not Caitlyn deserves an award. I don't care whether she does or not. However, I care about the response that people believe to be the true "Christian way."
To say that God only makes a man and a woman devoid of imperfection would also mean that God only makes healthy babies; only healthy people. Which in turn means that the Devil is creating these people that aren't healthy. I don't know about you, but a child with an extra chromosome is still a gift from Heaven if you ask me, and I dare you to say that my autistic cousin is not a gift from God, because I am willing to commit that sin by slapping you for saying that. To think that God only makes wonderful and perfect things is damning all the imperfectly perfect people and events that happen in this world, and that is tragic. So many wonderful creations (people, experiences, character traits etc) are created from things not perfect, happy or wonderful, but I guarantee you they are worth while.
To be honest, I don't care one bit over some celebrity who was once a great athlete now turned walking mat for the Kardashians...Yea not one bit of caring happening here!! I do care about the press and the abuse people are getting from so called Christians. That makes me mad, and it makes me sad. Jesus ate with prostitutes, the sick, and the thieves, and you want to bash someone simply because he decided he wanted his man parts to become woman parts. REALLY! I have had several discussions with friends who don't share the same beliefs I do and the largest hindrance to them believing in Christ are his followers. That right there is the a hard pill to swallow. When did becoming a Christian mean we get to bash other people based on Freedom of Speech? When did becoming a Christian mean that we no longer let the light of Christ poor out of us onto those in need?
Being a Christian means being a follower of Christ. It means loving people like Jesus loved, which, in case you missed Sunday school, Jesus loved us so much that he died for us. That is a lot of love folks. BUT BUT BUT we don't care about how he loved right?? No, we only care about making sure people know it's against Christian doctrines for a man to want to wear a dress.
Get over yourself.
I am so sorry that many Christians think it is okay to play the role of God and decide to publicly humiliate and damn people. When you die on the cross, turn water into wine, or love people so strongly that it radiates for centuries and centuries then you can come talk to me. Until then, why don't we as Christians worry about praying for Caitlyn to have a happy life? Why don't we pray that our next president is a man of faith and courage? Why don't we pray that we find a solution to the thousands of children dying in Africa because it won't rain? Those all seem like more important things to worry about than a person on the cover of a magazine. The Church and the body of Christ is called to love your neighbor, to support the weak and the innocent, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to give shelter to the homeless (Matthew 25:35-40). Don't you think that is more important? I do.
I am so sorry that many Christians spend more time discussing the small things like what to wear or not wear instead of discussing how to love people better. I'm sorry that you think being a Christian means degrading a person.
I am sorry that you are so worried about playing God that you forget to love people like God does.
Stop worrying over who is wearing a dress or not and start loving people for who they are. Let God decide what is right or wrong, and let us Christians make sure we are not a hindrance to others coming to know what real love is. Whether you believe Bruce/Caitlyn is right or wrong, who cares. All you need to believe is that God loves him/her so you should love him/her.
PS loving someone from a distance is okay. It is possible to show someone love and not agree with their beliefs or lifestyles. It is okay to show someone love and not want to be best friends with someone. Trust me there are many people who I do not agree with, people that have hurt me or hurt the people I care about that I would never willing choose to be best friends with, but that does not mean I do not love them as a human being with real feelings.
I have been a Christian my whole life. It is something that I take pride in. I went to a Christian school, came from a Christian home, have Christian friends and a Christian boyfriend. I wear a cross around my neck that my grandmother gave me and I have a bible verse tattooed on my skin.
However, I have a tattoo, I have non-Christian friends and gay friends and friends who say they are Christian but know nothing of a personal relationship to Christ. I have 9 piercings, 5 tattoos and have doubts about my faith all the time. So go ahead and judge away, wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last.
I say all this as to say that my Faith is very important to me, but Christianity and Christians are not perfect, far from it. I have had teachers tell me my family is going to Hell and I have had friends tell me I was the most liberal girl they knew because I have gay friends.
Whoopdy Freakin' Do.
I just read an article titled Caitlyn Jenner is Not a Hero, and while factually accurate (in terms of the definition of a hero) it is a blithe on the Christian name, and I apologize.
I will not say I agree with Caitlyn, nor do I think she deserved the award, but it has nothing to do with her transitioning into a woman. I do not think she deserved the award because I believe there are people more deserving; Lauren Hill for example. This article defined a hero as someone who put's their life above others, whose actions are not rewarded. To me this is what a hero is, some one who would sacrifice their life and happiness for the lives of others, or someone so passionate about a cause that they will take a stand not to fulfill their own desires, but to fulfill the desires of others, and this is why I do not think Caitlyn should be given this award. However, Caitlyn Jenner is a portrait of strength to the people who her lives have touched. She has done what many people in this world lie awake dreaming they had the courage to do in order to be happy, and that is truly a feat in itself. It is courageous but it is not heroic.
The real bone I have to pick is not to decide whether or not Caitlyn deserves an award. I don't care whether she does or not. However, I care about the response that people believe to be the true "Christian way."
To say that God only makes a man and a woman devoid of imperfection would also mean that God only makes healthy babies; only healthy people. Which in turn means that the Devil is creating these people that aren't healthy. I don't know about you, but a child with an extra chromosome is still a gift from Heaven if you ask me, and I dare you to say that my autistic cousin is not a gift from God, because I am willing to commit that sin by slapping you for saying that. To think that God only makes wonderful and perfect things is damning all the imperfectly perfect people and events that happen in this world, and that is tragic. So many wonderful creations (people, experiences, character traits etc) are created from things not perfect, happy or wonderful, but I guarantee you they are worth while.
To be honest, I don't care one bit over some celebrity who was once a great athlete now turned walking mat for the Kardashians...Yea not one bit of caring happening here!! I do care about the press and the abuse people are getting from so called Christians. That makes me mad, and it makes me sad. Jesus ate with prostitutes, the sick, and the thieves, and you want to bash someone simply because he decided he wanted his man parts to become woman parts. REALLY! I have had several discussions with friends who don't share the same beliefs I do and the largest hindrance to them believing in Christ are his followers. That right there is the a hard pill to swallow. When did becoming a Christian mean we get to bash other people based on Freedom of Speech? When did becoming a Christian mean that we no longer let the light of Christ poor out of us onto those in need?
Being a Christian means being a follower of Christ. It means loving people like Jesus loved, which, in case you missed Sunday school, Jesus loved us so much that he died for us. That is a lot of love folks. BUT BUT BUT we don't care about how he loved right?? No, we only care about making sure people know it's against Christian doctrines for a man to want to wear a dress.
Get over yourself.
I am so sorry that many Christians think it is okay to play the role of God and decide to publicly humiliate and damn people. When you die on the cross, turn water into wine, or love people so strongly that it radiates for centuries and centuries then you can come talk to me. Until then, why don't we as Christians worry about praying for Caitlyn to have a happy life? Why don't we pray that our next president is a man of faith and courage? Why don't we pray that we find a solution to the thousands of children dying in Africa because it won't rain? Those all seem like more important things to worry about than a person on the cover of a magazine. The Church and the body of Christ is called to love your neighbor, to support the weak and the innocent, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to give shelter to the homeless (Matthew 25:35-40). Don't you think that is more important? I do.
I am so sorry that many Christians spend more time discussing the small things like what to wear or not wear instead of discussing how to love people better. I'm sorry that you think being a Christian means degrading a person.
I am sorry that you are so worried about playing God that you forget to love people like God does.
Stop worrying over who is wearing a dress or not and start loving people for who they are. Let God decide what is right or wrong, and let us Christians make sure we are not a hindrance to others coming to know what real love is. Whether you believe Bruce/Caitlyn is right or wrong, who cares. All you need to believe is that God loves him/her so you should love him/her.
PS loving someone from a distance is okay. It is possible to show someone love and not agree with their beliefs or lifestyles. It is okay to show someone love and not want to be best friends with someone. Trust me there are many people who I do not agree with, people that have hurt me or hurt the people I care about that I would never willing choose to be best friends with, but that does not mean I do not love them as a human being with real feelings.
Friday, May 29, 2015
A big fat apology to all my previous teachers!
Being a teacher is easy. Who cares if I play with my phone in the back of the class. 20 minute bathroom break...SURE! As long as I'm quiet I can sleep. The only job of my teacher is to teach. Teachers have no life.
FALSE. FALSE. FALSE. FALSE.
Before I describe the awesomeness that is teaching, let me first apologize to all of my teachers and professors, as well as my mother who always said "teaching is hard work", which I never fully believed. I AM SO SO SORRY, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I had to apologize to my coaches for this same thing when I first started coaching. Teaching, like coaching, is not easy; not even close.
Having students play with their phone and sleep in class is annoying and demoralizing, and to their surprise I do have a life (all the classes think Jimmy is so handsome -UGH can't even protect him from the girls in a foreign country- and they give a collective awwwww when they see I have a boyfriend. So surprise, teachers do have lives). So, I will say it again, I am sorry for everything I put you through and every negative thing I have ever said about teaching in general. I came to Thailand to travel, to go on adventures and to find myself. Teaching was the means to the end. However, shocker, like everything about Thailand so far, I was so wrong. Teaching is hard work, and it takes time, effort and a lot of patience but it really is wonderful. My mom sent me an email to catch up, as is the norm for us. In this email a portion was dedicated to her giving me advice on being a teacher, and us trading stories and strategies. In one particularly interesting part she said "I am curious to see what you will do with this after you come home...if you will be interested in teaching ( something you said you were never very interested in)." Well I'll be darned if she wasn't exactly right. See my mom teaches special needs kids (shout out to all you teachers doing that, you are an angel from God and you deserve all the blessings this world has to offer), and I have always said " No way, not me. I could never teach. I am not patient enough."
This is true.
I am not patient, but all of the sudden I am a teacher and I am thrown into a world where I am forced to be patient (God's way of teaching me this character trait I suppose, because I am seriously lacking in this department). I teach English to students who range from the lower levels and saying the alphabet and a few vocabulary words to a YouTube star lady-boy (Which is a totally accepted phrase here and not seen as disrespectful at all) who speaks wonderful English. This entails lots and lots of patience. I go to the and write the sentence 'I need an apple.' Okay, no problem. Except I have to spend 10 minutes getting the students to understand need has a hard 'D' sound at the end. It does not sound like 'kneesd' as they say. Last year I would have thought this would have driven me up a stinkin' wall, but for some reason it doesn't. Interesting plot twist: I love it. Sure I might only be teaching the difference between him or her, but to watch students struggle to push through the initial disappointment of not understanding, to watching the light click on in their head is absolutely fantastic. These students love to laugh and they love to have fun (sometimes right in the middle of my teaching, but a halfhearted stern look reals them back in). I have 6 rambunctious English classes full of students who barely speak English, and I am about 99% positive they talk about me behind my back. One boy looks me straight into my eyes, says something in Thai as soon as I walk away from the table and the whole class laughs...yeah they are so making fun of me for something. Not that I have any clue what they are saying about me, but I am beginning to get good at bluffing like I know exactly what the little bugger is saying. Hey, if the students want to make fun of me then it is on them when they get embarrassed for me "fake" calling them out!!
I can't tell you that I have absolutely found my purpose in teaching, and that this is my life's ambition, but I can tell you that I think I am on the right track, if not for teaching then at least for finding myself.
A year ago being a teacher seemed like torture, this morning I woke up excited for class and enjoying making lesson plans (doubt that will last long though).
I don't know about you, but I like those odds.
Teacher (Ajahn) out!
FALSE. FALSE. FALSE. FALSE.
Before I describe the awesomeness that is teaching, let me first apologize to all of my teachers and professors, as well as my mother who always said "teaching is hard work", which I never fully believed. I AM SO SO SORRY, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I had to apologize to my coaches for this same thing when I first started coaching. Teaching, like coaching, is not easy; not even close.
Having students play with their phone and sleep in class is annoying and demoralizing, and to their surprise I do have a life (all the classes think Jimmy is so handsome -UGH can't even protect him from the girls in a foreign country- and they give a collective awwwww when they see I have a boyfriend. So surprise, teachers do have lives). So, I will say it again, I am sorry for everything I put you through and every negative thing I have ever said about teaching in general. I came to Thailand to travel, to go on adventures and to find myself. Teaching was the means to the end. However, shocker, like everything about Thailand so far, I was so wrong. Teaching is hard work, and it takes time, effort and a lot of patience but it really is wonderful. My mom sent me an email to catch up, as is the norm for us. In this email a portion was dedicated to her giving me advice on being a teacher, and us trading stories and strategies. In one particularly interesting part she said "I am curious to see what you will do with this after you come home...if you will be interested in teaching ( something you said you were never very interested in)." Well I'll be darned if she wasn't exactly right. See my mom teaches special needs kids (shout out to all you teachers doing that, you are an angel from God and you deserve all the blessings this world has to offer), and I have always said " No way, not me. I could never teach. I am not patient enough."
This is true.
I am not patient, but all of the sudden I am a teacher and I am thrown into a world where I am forced to be patient (God's way of teaching me this character trait I suppose, because I am seriously lacking in this department). I teach English to students who range from the lower levels and saying the alphabet and a few vocabulary words to a YouTube star lady-boy (Which is a totally accepted phrase here and not seen as disrespectful at all) who speaks wonderful English. This entails lots and lots of patience. I go to the and write the sentence 'I need an apple.' Okay, no problem. Except I have to spend 10 minutes getting the students to understand need has a hard 'D' sound at the end. It does not sound like 'kneesd' as they say. Last year I would have thought this would have driven me up a stinkin' wall, but for some reason it doesn't. Interesting plot twist: I love it. Sure I might only be teaching the difference between him or her, but to watch students struggle to push through the initial disappointment of not understanding, to watching the light click on in their head is absolutely fantastic. These students love to laugh and they love to have fun (sometimes right in the middle of my teaching, but a halfhearted stern look reals them back in). I have 6 rambunctious English classes full of students who barely speak English, and I am about 99% positive they talk about me behind my back. One boy looks me straight into my eyes, says something in Thai as soon as I walk away from the table and the whole class laughs...yeah they are so making fun of me for something. Not that I have any clue what they are saying about me, but I am beginning to get good at bluffing like I know exactly what the little bugger is saying. Hey, if the students want to make fun of me then it is on them when they get embarrassed for me "fake" calling them out!!
I can't tell you that I have absolutely found my purpose in teaching, and that this is my life's ambition, but I can tell you that I think I am on the right track, if not for teaching then at least for finding myself.
A year ago being a teacher seemed like torture, this morning I woke up excited for class and enjoying making lesson plans (doubt that will last long though).
I don't know about you, but I like those odds.
Teacher (Ajahn) out!
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
In case you think moving around the world is easy: it's not
I have had a blast writing about all the amazing things that have been happening to me in Thailand, and don't get me wrong here, I have loved it very much. However, the glitz and the glam are starting to wear off and I find that it is time to describe some things that I HATE with a passion: emotions (YUCK!).
First, before we get to the aspects of moving away that aren't alluring or captivating, let me first say that moving to Thailand was the best decision I have made in my life, tied with playing basketball. Both of these things have and will continue to shape me into who I truly want to be in my life. Just like there were things that made basketball hard, there are also things that make Thailand hard.
I was so pumped to leave that it didn't hit me that 5 months is a really long time to be gone until about 3 days before I was leaving, and even then I was more stressed about packing and cleaning my apartment than actually leaving. So clearly I wasn't that worried right? HA WRONG! I sat on the plane and balled my eyes out. The poor lady sitting next to me! I tried to be quiet, but as you all know, quiet is not my strong suit in anything that I do. It is not easy leaving behind a grandmother that just had her 90th birthday, praying to God that nothing happens to her while I am gone, or my parents (who are coming to visit which I am stoked about!). It is not easy missing my brother's college graduation, Kat's birthday, My dad's birthday, Jimmy's Birthday, Rachel's birthday, Christine's birthday, Corey's birthday and so on (you get the point). I miss 4th of July, which is the best holiday ever, I miss the country concerts and the lazy beach days with Rachel where we gossip about drama and books and our relationships. I have to watch a girl move into my room, and get to miss all the amazing memories Kat and Ema are making right now (have fun girls, live it up!!). Basically, I miss out on a lot, not that this isn't totally worth it because it is and I will be around for next year, but it still is brutal when nothing is working out and everyone is asleep because there is an 11 hour time difference and all I want to do is call my parents and ask for help, because despite being on my own and being a fully functioning adult, I still talk to them everyday and I love them so much.
I get to Thailand, all pumped that I will be changing the world. Wrong again, the kid's barely speak English and most will never use it or understand the concept so I have been told. Imagine a balloon with the air being let out where it is making that annoying deflated squeak, yeah that was me when they told me that. However, they did tell me that the kids are amazing and they will listen and play games and they will try very hard. So, shame on me really because I somehow forgot that changing the world is not a drastic task, but a task completed by simply loving individuals enough to inspire them to be better than they ever thought they could be. Somewhere along the way of college and adult life I became much more cynical and I don't like it one bit, so I decided to become free of my cynicism. Not an easy task mind you, but one that needed to be done. I hate it when people say that its okay to guard yourself, it's okay to become cynical because people take advantage if you are to nice. Who gives a flying flip, be nice anyways. When they meet their maker, or whatever they believe in, it will be on their conscience. If I teach all 6 months and not one of them can speak English fluently, but they are all profoundly happier and more confident than before, then I have changed the world, but seriously lets hope they learn English!!!!
Speaking of things I got wrong, and the list is long over my short life, trust me, but Thailand is also nothing like I expected. I imagined it as National Geographic portrays it, all tropical mountains or white sand beaches. I didn't stop to think about what is in the middle of all that, real people who work for a living outside of cabanas and mountain shacks. People think Thailand is this amazingly beautiful place, and it is (take a look at my fb and you will see living proof) but there is a lot of poverty here. A lot of men and women who can barely afford to eat, scraping by on the money of tourists who are so happy that a meal costs less than 1 US dollar, or that I can get a hotel for the night for roughly $3.50. Crazy I know, and I love it too, but at the same time it is hard to see women who are in their 70's and 80's sitting in 95 degree heat trying to support their family. There is no chance in this world that I would let Buzzy do that. Yet somehow the people here are nicer than anybody I have every met. Think going into a country town where everyone smiles and waves. It is like that but even nicer.
Not only is the country different, but living here is different. My apartment is hot and very minimal and at first it sucked, but then (after a good two nights of calling my parents and Corey either crying or being a huge brat) my dad told me " Sarah you have air conditioning and a personal bathroom, you have it better than most people there." Boom talk about a total gut punch. Yes, I was being ungrateful and yes, I was being a spoiled brat because I wasn't close to the beach like I thought and the town was very industrial with nothing to do, my internet sucked, I can't find shoes that fit or clothes that fit, and I have hit my head on more signs and stands than ever before because I am a giant in the land of 5'1 women, but holy cow I was being such a diva. DOUBLE YUCK. Most of you know me, and that is not who I am. It is not who I was raised to be, and I am not the kind of girl that gets all pissy and annoying, I pull up my big girl pants and get done what I need to get done. I was raised playing mud monster in the back yard, sweating on the court and probaly getting most of my friends in trouble because I wanted to go climb some tree or hike some mountain in Utah (mom called the cops for that one-sorry again!) So imagine my disgust when I was acting out some of the very traits I absolutely hate most. I realized I haven't been saying my nightly prayers, I haven't been exercising and I had only been talking negatively. That folks is not a recipe for success. So I figured things out. I got my internet to work by messing around with the IP address, so now that works. I bought two plants and hung some pictures, so now my apartment looks like home, and I just traveled to the most beautiful location in Thailand I think; Erawan waterfalls. I have amazing co-teachers, great bosses and a wonderful school. I can talk to my family whenever I want, and I found a website to watch Game of Thrones (That right there was enough to cheer me up). I also have access to travel to all these amazing places and countries. Now you tell me what the heck was wrong with me; nothing but pure selfish ungratefulness (while I sat in my garden and ate my worms) that's what. A big shame on me for that.
Luckily, I have created some fail safe methods to making sure I don't retreat back into being a brat.
These are:
Using the journal Rachel gave me to become a prayer journal. I've never been great at prayers so this will help make it routine and it will give me a chance to be honest with myself and with God. It will also give me a written reminder of all the good I have to be thankful for and all the bad that I am thankful for getting over.
I am going to set aside a certain amount each paycheck strictly devoted to traveling on my days off. This will ensure that I am still full of adventure and don't get complacent with watching the Vampire Diaries all day long.
There is a stairwell and pathway to cross over the road (think of a bridge) and I will get up in the morning and run the stairs and the pathway to stay in shape. One, because exercise is good for the soul. Two because I value my body and I want it to be the best it can be. Three, because my six back is now barely a 2 pack and I felt my thighs jiggle a bit more than normal while hiking to the waterfalls and I WILL NOT HAVE THAT, because that makes me sad.
I was told that there would be a low point while I am here, where it really hits me that I am not at home and that this will be hard. I have decided that the first week was going to be my low point, even though really it wasn't that low. I will go up from here because I am soooo soooo blessed to be here, and I truly am grateful for everything I have been given here, and I know that I have the greatest support system a girl can ask for; a loving God, a wonderful family, friends who will tell me how much they miss me and also tell me to get over myself, a supportive boyfriend and a stronger than steel willpower that will ensure I am on the right path. Hooray for finally getting over myself and making a choice to stop being the most annoying person on the planet. It is bad when you have to work, live or see an annoying person all the time, it is sooooooooooo much worse when the most annoying, irritating and bratty person is in your head. Not no mo'.
Toodles to you brat, and welcome back to the old me. It's been a while and I missed you.
First, before we get to the aspects of moving away that aren't alluring or captivating, let me first say that moving to Thailand was the best decision I have made in my life, tied with playing basketball. Both of these things have and will continue to shape me into who I truly want to be in my life. Just like there were things that made basketball hard, there are also things that make Thailand hard.
I was so pumped to leave that it didn't hit me that 5 months is a really long time to be gone until about 3 days before I was leaving, and even then I was more stressed about packing and cleaning my apartment than actually leaving. So clearly I wasn't that worried right? HA WRONG! I sat on the plane and balled my eyes out. The poor lady sitting next to me! I tried to be quiet, but as you all know, quiet is not my strong suit in anything that I do. It is not easy leaving behind a grandmother that just had her 90th birthday, praying to God that nothing happens to her while I am gone, or my parents (who are coming to visit which I am stoked about!). It is not easy missing my brother's college graduation, Kat's birthday, My dad's birthday, Jimmy's Birthday, Rachel's birthday, Christine's birthday, Corey's birthday and so on (you get the point). I miss 4th of July, which is the best holiday ever, I miss the country concerts and the lazy beach days with Rachel where we gossip about drama and books and our relationships. I have to watch a girl move into my room, and get to miss all the amazing memories Kat and Ema are making right now (have fun girls, live it up!!). Basically, I miss out on a lot, not that this isn't totally worth it because it is and I will be around for next year, but it still is brutal when nothing is working out and everyone is asleep because there is an 11 hour time difference and all I want to do is call my parents and ask for help, because despite being on my own and being a fully functioning adult, I still talk to them everyday and I love them so much.
I get to Thailand, all pumped that I will be changing the world. Wrong again, the kid's barely speak English and most will never use it or understand the concept so I have been told. Imagine a balloon with the air being let out where it is making that annoying deflated squeak, yeah that was me when they told me that. However, they did tell me that the kids are amazing and they will listen and play games and they will try very hard. So, shame on me really because I somehow forgot that changing the world is not a drastic task, but a task completed by simply loving individuals enough to inspire them to be better than they ever thought they could be. Somewhere along the way of college and adult life I became much more cynical and I don't like it one bit, so I decided to become free of my cynicism. Not an easy task mind you, but one that needed to be done. I hate it when people say that its okay to guard yourself, it's okay to become cynical because people take advantage if you are to nice. Who gives a flying flip, be nice anyways. When they meet their maker, or whatever they believe in, it will be on their conscience. If I teach all 6 months and not one of them can speak English fluently, but they are all profoundly happier and more confident than before, then I have changed the world, but seriously lets hope they learn English!!!!
Speaking of things I got wrong, and the list is long over my short life, trust me, but Thailand is also nothing like I expected. I imagined it as National Geographic portrays it, all tropical mountains or white sand beaches. I didn't stop to think about what is in the middle of all that, real people who work for a living outside of cabanas and mountain shacks. People think Thailand is this amazingly beautiful place, and it is (take a look at my fb and you will see living proof) but there is a lot of poverty here. A lot of men and women who can barely afford to eat, scraping by on the money of tourists who are so happy that a meal costs less than 1 US dollar, or that I can get a hotel for the night for roughly $3.50. Crazy I know, and I love it too, but at the same time it is hard to see women who are in their 70's and 80's sitting in 95 degree heat trying to support their family. There is no chance in this world that I would let Buzzy do that. Yet somehow the people here are nicer than anybody I have every met. Think going into a country town where everyone smiles and waves. It is like that but even nicer.
Not only is the country different, but living here is different. My apartment is hot and very minimal and at first it sucked, but then (after a good two nights of calling my parents and Corey either crying or being a huge brat) my dad told me " Sarah you have air conditioning and a personal bathroom, you have it better than most people there." Boom talk about a total gut punch. Yes, I was being ungrateful and yes, I was being a spoiled brat because I wasn't close to the beach like I thought and the town was very industrial with nothing to do, my internet sucked, I can't find shoes that fit or clothes that fit, and I have hit my head on more signs and stands than ever before because I am a giant in the land of 5'1 women, but holy cow I was being such a diva. DOUBLE YUCK. Most of you know me, and that is not who I am. It is not who I was raised to be, and I am not the kind of girl that gets all pissy and annoying, I pull up my big girl pants and get done what I need to get done. I was raised playing mud monster in the back yard, sweating on the court and probaly getting most of my friends in trouble because I wanted to go climb some tree or hike some mountain in Utah (mom called the cops for that one-sorry again!) So imagine my disgust when I was acting out some of the very traits I absolutely hate most. I realized I haven't been saying my nightly prayers, I haven't been exercising and I had only been talking negatively. That folks is not a recipe for success. So I figured things out. I got my internet to work by messing around with the IP address, so now that works. I bought two plants and hung some pictures, so now my apartment looks like home, and I just traveled to the most beautiful location in Thailand I think; Erawan waterfalls. I have amazing co-teachers, great bosses and a wonderful school. I can talk to my family whenever I want, and I found a website to watch Game of Thrones (That right there was enough to cheer me up). I also have access to travel to all these amazing places and countries. Now you tell me what the heck was wrong with me; nothing but pure selfish ungratefulness (while I sat in my garden and ate my worms) that's what. A big shame on me for that.
Luckily, I have created some fail safe methods to making sure I don't retreat back into being a brat.
These are:
Using the journal Rachel gave me to become a prayer journal. I've never been great at prayers so this will help make it routine and it will give me a chance to be honest with myself and with God. It will also give me a written reminder of all the good I have to be thankful for and all the bad that I am thankful for getting over.
I am going to set aside a certain amount each paycheck strictly devoted to traveling on my days off. This will ensure that I am still full of adventure and don't get complacent with watching the Vampire Diaries all day long.
There is a stairwell and pathway to cross over the road (think of a bridge) and I will get up in the morning and run the stairs and the pathway to stay in shape. One, because exercise is good for the soul. Two because I value my body and I want it to be the best it can be. Three, because my six back is now barely a 2 pack and I felt my thighs jiggle a bit more than normal while hiking to the waterfalls and I WILL NOT HAVE THAT, because that makes me sad.
I was told that there would be a low point while I am here, where it really hits me that I am not at home and that this will be hard. I have decided that the first week was going to be my low point, even though really it wasn't that low. I will go up from here because I am soooo soooo blessed to be here, and I truly am grateful for everything I have been given here, and I know that I have the greatest support system a girl can ask for; a loving God, a wonderful family, friends who will tell me how much they miss me and also tell me to get over myself, a supportive boyfriend and a stronger than steel willpower that will ensure I am on the right path. Hooray for finally getting over myself and making a choice to stop being the most annoying person on the planet. It is bad when you have to work, live or see an annoying person all the time, it is sooooooooooo much worse when the most annoying, irritating and bratty person is in your head. Not no mo'.
Toodles to you brat, and welcome back to the old me. It's been a while and I missed you.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Eastern Technological Institute versus American Schools
Today is the first day of orientation in which we will meet all the students in the business department. E. Tech is a vocational school where students can come to master a trade and then be placed in a job in the local community. There are technology programs, automotive mechanic trades, IT trades and business trades throughout this school. Sounds fairly simple right? Wrong! This school consists of about 10,000 students all rambling about to get to class, as slowly as possible of course. If you haven't heard about my family and our inability to be on time, I will tell you we run on what is called "Tabb Time." Where being somewhere at 2, really means about 3; its a given. Except when food is involved, then we rush to get there around 2:30. Trust me, its bad. My mom is famous for doing the laundry or starting to vacuum 5 minutes before we are set to leave, and now I find myself doing the same thing. "Oh you can't leave the house with dirty dishes in the sink" or "Well let me just do this one thing really quick!" I used to think I was incredibly punctual because if we were late for practice or meetings we ran. If we didn't power walk to class, we ran. If we didn't do what the coaches wanted, we ran. You get the point! We ran a lot! So I came to Thailand with a mix of Tabb Time and terrified punctuality, only to find that Thailand runs on "Thai Time". Okay, I can dig that, except when it comes to school. In America students are expected to be punctual and on time. Roll is called when the bell rings, and if you aren't there then too bad. Thailand, however, does not work that way. The students are not given time to walk to another class or any form of breaks in between. One class will start at 10 and go till 10:50 and the next class will start at 10:50, while the students mosey on in when they feel like it. They have 10 minutes out of a 50 minute class to get there before they are marked absent. Crazy! That is 1/5 of the class time! Not that I plan to be the teacher that marks students late at 10:00:30 but still. We have been spending this last week doing orientation and mock teaching lessons, and the main things that we have been told are 1. The students will cheat, and there is nothing you can do about it. We are to try to discourage it, but all students cheat in Thailand. EXCUSE ME! This is being told to the girl who cheating in Kindergarten (Also, I never knew kindergarten was spelled with a t and not a d, learn something new every day I guess) on a quiz and when my gym teacher game me a "Good Job" sticker I ripped it up because I felt so bad. 2. That the students will talk with each other through the whole class, and we are just supposed to teach over it. Granted I am a loud person, but to me this just seems rude. It is weird the different cultural norms that are present in different countries, but I am sure that there are weird things that I do that they don't understand. For instance, waving. The Thai do not wave they wai, which is putting your hands together like praying, bringing it to your face and bowing. Think the Karate Kid when we would first meet Mr. Miyagi and he would bow! I have been walking around all day today waving at students and saying hello and they look at me like I am insane, but hey different cultures right. I will have to adjust. Honestly, walking around orientation, in a crowd of thousands of students and parents, is like a circus "freak" being paraded around, but the moment people see me they give a huge smile and it makes being a giant American in a world of shorter Asian people seem wonderful.
I may be a giant and I may never fully adapt to Thai time, cheating or constant talking but I do know that the Thai people are awesome, and that my classes will be filled with amazing young men and women (thing 10th and 11th grade) that will absolutely change my life, and I cannot wait to get started.
P.S. For anyone thinking of coming to teach in Thailand, apparently only dark colored clothes are aloud, pants are not the norm and mostly frowned upon in the classroom for women, and shoes are only to be closed toed heels or ballerina flats. Guess who brought none of those things! This girl! I brought one navy skirt and then bright paisley colored skirts, floral dresses and all sandals or wedges. I'm from the coast of Virginia with a hint of beach and a dash of southern, black is not in our summer wardrobe, and neither are closed toed heels (although I do have them, I just never expected to wear them in a country who's temperature is a solid 95-100 everyday). Anyways, for all you future teachers, when they say teachers dress it is really corporate board room style not Southern Virginia coastal style. OOPS! Mai Pen Rai (Think Hakuna Matata or It's all good in Thai!)
I may be a giant and I may never fully adapt to Thai time, cheating or constant talking but I do know that the Thai people are awesome, and that my classes will be filled with amazing young men and women (thing 10th and 11th grade) that will absolutely change my life, and I cannot wait to get started.
P.S. For anyone thinking of coming to teach in Thailand, apparently only dark colored clothes are aloud, pants are not the norm and mostly frowned upon in the classroom for women, and shoes are only to be closed toed heels or ballerina flats. Guess who brought none of those things! This girl! I brought one navy skirt and then bright paisley colored skirts, floral dresses and all sandals or wedges. I'm from the coast of Virginia with a hint of beach and a dash of southern, black is not in our summer wardrobe, and neither are closed toed heels (although I do have them, I just never expected to wear them in a country who's temperature is a solid 95-100 everyday). Anyways, for all you future teachers, when they say teachers dress it is really corporate board room style not Southern Virginia coastal style. OOPS! Mai Pen Rai (Think Hakuna Matata or It's all good in Thai!)
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